What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
