My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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