I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
