just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
