he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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