3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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