i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize