We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize