oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
