Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
