I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
