Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize