i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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