I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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