filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
