I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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