I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize