Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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