Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
