Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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