oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
