I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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