I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
