That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
