O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
