you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
