I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Randomize
