I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize