Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
