I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
