I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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