Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
