I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
he quoted the bible to break up with me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
