Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
