I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
