so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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