Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
