Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
