He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
