i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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