Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
