I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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