i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
