youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
