I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
