I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
