the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
