he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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