dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
