Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Enjoy the penises
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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