I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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