my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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