His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
