i was born a porn star she said
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
and you fell through a lawn chair
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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