Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
