There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
