girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
