You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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