I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
