He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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