last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
