I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
