i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
