Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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